Listening To: I have been OBSESSED with the song "Unbelievers" by Vampire Weekend over the past few days.
<religious rant> I identify as an agnostic theist, which is someone who "believes in the existence of at least one deity, but regards the basis of this proposition as unknown or inherently unknowable" (from Wikipedia). I believe that there is some sort of omnipotent, omniscient being out there, but I don't know all the details of this being, and I don't think it is possible to really know all the details. And you know what? I'm okay with that. But others, those who identify as believers, are not always okay with that, and many of them have made it a point to let me know just how much they are not okay with that. Despite the fact that I try to live my life such that I'm leaving a positive impact on the world and helping others, I'm still often told - by people I know, by religious authority figures, etc. - that I am doomed to burn in the fiery pits of hell because I am not absolutely 100% certain of my belief in their particular god or deity. As such, I've developed some pretty bitter feelings towards religion, religious institutions, and religious figures. It pisses me off that some people feel like they can get away with, quite frankly, being assholes, so long as they follow up their assholery with, "Jesus has forgiven all my sins, so it's cool, YOLO!" Religion should not be an excuse to do whatever you want while you walk this earth, but so many people use it to justify horrible things that they say and do, and it's often those same people that like to tell me of my fiery fate. </religious rant>
SO, this song really speaks to me, on so many levels and in so many ways. I particularly love the line:
"I’m not excited, but should I be?
Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me?"
Thinking About: I've been looking into a graduate certificate program at PSU, and I event went to so far as to inquire about financial aid opportunities for certificate programs (I thought they might not qualify for ANYthing, but I could at least take out an unsubsidized loan rather than paying out of pocket). Specifically, I've been looking at the graduate certificate for Student Affairs in Higher Education. I'd like to have my previous student loans paid off before I start incurring more debt (and ideally, I'd like to have some money saved up), so it may be a little while before I would even start classes, but I'm excited at the prospect of getting back into school.
Watching: My instant queue is overflowing on Netflix with new shows and movies to watch. I recently started watching "House of Cards", a Netflix original show starring Kevin Spacey, who is one of my favorite actors. I also recently added "Twin Peaks" to my queue, because I've heard so much about this show over the years, and I figured I should give it a shot.
Bummed Out On: I've been feeling a little uninspired and unmotivated to complete my remaining goals recently, and I'm not sure why. I've been beating myself up a bit about this and trying to guilt myself into focusing more energy and effort into my goals. But then I started realizing that the point of all of this is not to guilt myself into completing my goals, but to attempt and accomplish things I might not have otherwise done. I don't know that I would have EVER run a 10K had I not put it on my list, and that's something to be celebrated. If there are goals that are left undone when my birthday rolls around in January, that's fine. Perhaps it was not something that held much meaning to me in the first place.
Loving: How happy and refreshed I've been feeling lately. I feel like I'm on a wonderful upward slope following my divorce, I'm saving money now that I have a roommate, I'm not getting headaches and dizziness as frequently, and I'm just generally happier, even if I don't have a "reason" to be. Life is just looking really good and promising these days.